Session 6

Transcript:

0:01

Recently I've had a lot of traction on my social media and in turn that has translated into more listeners on this podcast.

So hi, welcome.

I am so excited to have you here.

I am so excited that you're invested in Sky Story and intern my story and I'm so thrilled to keep sharing this with you.

0:24

And I actually also have to thank my medication.

I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I've been on Wellbutrin for about a month now and in the past month I've seen an explosion in my productivity and my focus and my overall like general wellbeing.

0:45

And The thing is, I have tried Wellbutrin in the past, and after a month I was just like, Nah, this ain't it.

But this time around, I'm on 150 milligrams.

They start.

That's what they started me off with.

And I feel a difference.

1:01

My husband sees a difference.

I'm more focused at home.

I went and reorganized my kitchen.

I cleaned out my son's room and reorganized it, and I finally cleaned my closet.

And that may not seem like a lot, but it's huge.

It is crazy.

1:18

And yeah, I just, I can't.

I can't, I can't even do.

It is so amazing.

And normally I've also shifted my exercise routine.

I had been for the past year.

1:35

Well, I think maybe, yeah.

Starting last year I was training for the LA Marathon and I trained for about like six months straight.

And I was running basically every day.

And I did the marathon.

I like, slowed down the running for a little bit for like a month or so, but then it got back into it.

1:52

But The thing is, what I noticed is that my body was not reacting well to it.

I was really just tired.

I couldn't eat enough to sustain the calories burned and I was so bloated.

And I'm not one to diet or really care about my weight.

2:09

I I'm a firm believer in being strong and sturdy, like I'm not here for anything else.

I want to love my life and enjoy what I can.

Dieting and body is not is not something I'm going to dwell on.

2:24

I don't need to do that.

I don't need anything negative like that in my life.

I got enough, you know.

But with the running I I was noticing that like I went up 15 pounds in like a four month span.

2:42

And that was a lot for me.

So what I did also in this past maybe two weeks, I just stopped running.

I also do maybe like hot yoga once to one to two times a week.

But then I just went back to my walks and my hikes.

3:00

I live in an area that's really hilly and it has like these like secret neighborhood staircases within like, you know, the neighborhood.

So I hit my walks, I hit my stairs, I hit like a hiking trail and I do that and within a week I was like £5 down.

3:20

My bloating is gone.

So with that change and my medication yo wonders life changing.

I feel so fucking good.

And that also comes at a time when I've had to take this month off of therapy.

3:38

So as you know, I do this, I talk about therapy.

Notes is basically me going over my sessions telling you about it.

And I have been doing trauma therapy with EMDR.

And the truth is, when it comes to the EMDR, I'm still working through a lot of stuff.

3:59

Like so much so that already I've been with this therapist for like 5 months now and we haven't even hit my sister's case yet.

So I've been unearthing a lot of trauma, more than I ever realized and now like I can see things a little bit differently.

4:19

And and just if you, in case you're curious, my EMDR is with like these buzzers.

So it's cool.

I'm still working through it.

I'm still processing things and I'm not 100% sure, but I I'm not 100% sure that it's working, but I think it is.

4:41

It's one of those things that I feel like it takes time.

And a lot of my sessions recently I had been just going in and talking.

We barely have time to go over and do any of like the EMDR stuff.

And sometimes I think that that's me kind of just stalling, not wanting to go there.

5:04

But I also have a lot to talk about and I honestly, I'm pretty isolated in my daytoday life, You know, I don't have too many friends that are physically nearby that I can just talk to and vent about things.

So those are what my sessions have been like.

5:23

And this month, unfortunately I have taken the month off for two reasons.

One, because my family's is visiting this week, which is, you know, a reason I need therapy.

5:40

But the other reason is because it costs a lot.

And that's like a daunting thing when it comes to trying to get mental health help is the cost.

And so my therapist is out of network, so I have to pay $175 per session.

6:04

And you may think like, oh, that's a lot.

OK, so why are you stalling on your EMDR?

Just get to it, get healed and get out.

But it's a process, and I know that.

And I've also tried to submit to my insurance and it's been denied.

6:23

And I can try to go through my insurance for reference.

I have Kaiser.

And if you know anything about Kaiser, it's a lot of lot of hands all in, you know, too many cooks in the kitchen, but nobody's taking accountability for anything.

6:38

So you really get lost.

And to actually get a therapist, it could take you months, months, months, months, and then you may get one and then you don't like them, and then you have to start the process again.

And it's so frustrating.

6:54

So I had been through that process, and then I found somebody there, and then my sessions weren't covered anymore.

It's like that whole like song and dance and it's already stressful enough to have traumas and to be dealing with just life that like adding in, you know, insurance and the healthcare system.

7:17

It makes it worse.

And that's why so many people give up.

That's why so many people give up on finding help and getting help because of the whole song and dance that you have to do.

So I had bit the bullet and I cut out all the song and dance and I just found a trauma therapist that I could see and I really like her.

7:36

She is worth the money, but the truth is I don't have it.

And that is the reality of getting help and getting therapy sometimes.

Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and with your therapist and be like, hey, I'm broke right now.

7:53

I can't afford therapy.

And they know, they understand, I like.

But at the same time there are there were so many times in my journey in getting help where I was ashamed to say things like that, or I was ashamed to be like, hey, we're not a good fit.

8:12

And then I would just like completely ghost them.

But what's really nice with this therapist is that I'm also practicing on how to be a little bit more assertive or let them know what I need out of this.

And that has been huge for me because typically I I run and hide.

8:32

I'm not, you know, a confrontational person.

I will avoid conflict.

Like honestly, case in point, I have never once discussed Sky's disappearance with my father because I know how painful it is for both sides and I know that I can't handle what he has to say and he can't handle what I have to say and that's the reality.

8:58

But practicing those like simple interactions with like my therapist, I don't know she realizes this, but it that has helped me being like, hey, like I can't pay or can you work with me on something that has helped?

9:24

It's the little things now.

It's because the reality is, when it comes to my therapy and my healing, I don't know what it's going to look like.

I know that it's going to be.

9:40

It's really hard to find closure when you're looking for somebody that's missing.

And I can live with that.

I've lived with that for 15 years now, you know, So let me work on the little things, the little things that can help me in other aspects of my life.

10:03

You know, be more assertive, putting myself first because it's something that I've never done.

You know, I'm doing what I need to do for me, and that's like, that's a huge step for me.

10:24

But anyways, yeah, my parents, my mom and my dad are coming in tomorrow night, Friday.

Oh man, Friday the 13th.

I'm really excited to see them.

My son's birthday is on Saturday and we're going to be visiting my aunts and she's in Orange County and we'll stay with her a few days because her place is a little bit bigger than mine.

10:53

It's really hard to host people in A2 Bed 1 bath and I think we'll be doing my mom wanted to do a a whale watch and maybe Legoland for my son.

And I think that might be it, you know, just keeping it cool, keeping it cash.

11:13

And maybe if I find the time and if my mom, you know, feels like chatting with you guys, maybe I can get her on here so she can give you an update on how she's feeling and what she's been up to.

So we'll see.

11:30

We'll see how that goes.

Maybe, maybe, guys, maybe I can get a, I don't know, get something of my dad.

I don't think I've ever introduced you to my dad on here, especially because he's never listened to this and on Tic Tac or any of my socials.

11:48

So let's see what happens.

But yeah, so I think that's all I got for this week.

Just keeping you up to date, keeping you in the loop.

12:06

I've been liking these short little episodes.

It's it's been nice.

It's been nice.

Guys.

I like hanging out with you.

Yeah.

So anyways, this has been at therapy Notes session 6.