Session 18
Transcript:
This week I had a few videos on TikTok that did really well, and normally one would think that that must feel really great that more people now know about Sky's case.
And while yes, that it that is true, there is this other side to it that freaks me out.
0:28
And I don't know if it's just feeling perceived or being, you know, out there and knowing.
People not only know about Sky Story, but they know about me and I typically don't share all that much about me personally.
0:49
I mean, I do obviously.
I'm very vulnerable and I put myself out there.
I do this whole podcast where I talk about my weak and my feelings, but ultimately, like, I do feel like I I keep up a wall for privacy and things like that.
1:07
But when a video does get a lot of views, I feel terrified.
I'm happy, but terrified.
There is this duality that you have to, I guess, get comfortable with.
1:23
And I've had videos in the past that have done very well.
And ultimately, you know, the algorithm does its thing and you kind of, like fall off for a while.
And then you have a video or two that like, hits hard and it's like kind of like this roller coaster.
1:41
And I was actually telling my therapist about it this week.
And she worries.
Rightfully so.
She worries that maybe I'm not always in the best headspace for it, but I do often take weeks off at a time or several days to just kind of like compose myself because I talk about a really difficult topic.
2:12
Sky's been missing for almost 16 years now.
It's gonna be 16 years, April 1st, and for me, it's normal.
This is my normal.
I've gotten used to it.
But sometimes when I get such a response, it kind of sets me back a little bit.
2:35
It makes me realize that, hey, maybe this isn't normal.
And typically in my day-to-day, I don't interact with too many people.
Most of the time it's my son's, you know, friends, parents, like that kind of situation.
2:54
And typically I don't talk about this unless, like, I've known them for like several months and then it actually comes out.
I'm pretty standoffish.
I'm pretty reserved, some might even say cold in person.
So I typically don't think about it all that much.
3:12
I don't make it a part of my daily routine because I do have to function in society.
There's always this.
You have to make compartments and that's not always the healthiest thing for just a normal lifestyle.
3:30
But when you have an event like this that kind of well that has the potential to consume you, sometimes you need to put it away in a box and not have it be what you're known for.
So I think that's part of the problem.
3:47
I have gone out in public and I have been recognized and the first time it happened, I just as soon as the person walked away, I was like shaking uncontrollably because I was like I I didn't expect that reaction, to be honest.
4:03
I was so taken aback that I was like numb.
It just, you know, it's there is a divide between what you put out on social media and who you are in real life and when they overlap, when those paths cross.
4:28
It's a very weird feeling.
I feel like it would obviously be different if the subject matter that I talked about was a bit more, you know, light hearted and fun.
But when somebody knows something so personal and traumatic, it's crazy.
4:49
It's a really, really, really crazy feeling.
But I'm going to continue to do it.
I'm going to continue to figure out how to navigate it.
It's been interesting.
I can't always anticipate how I'm going to feel and I'll I'm just going to do my best, you know, for what's best for my family and what's best to get answers in regards to Sky's disappearance.
5:29
It's hard, It's a hard thing to come to terms with and to balance.
So actually this week there's going to be an article coming out in a local Connecticut paper with the record.
5:44
It's called The Record Journal and they found out about the GoFundMe and my mom and I did an interview with the newspaper.
It isn't out yet.
I will link it and let everybody know when the article is out.
6:04
But I invited my mom to be a part of this.
I really, I really want her to be a bit more involved.
I know she's been really scared and she's more than willing to be a part of it as long as I'm taking, you know, the reins.
6:22
But I'm kind of excited that due to the fact that she's still in Connecticut, the journalist wanted to get photographs.
So they went to my parents house.
They got photographs with my mom and some of Sky's photos, and they're talking about the GoFundMe and the trip to Japan.
6:47
But I was really excited that even though my mom and I did the zoom call with the journalist, I'm really excited that my mom is actually going to be featured and me not so much.
7:03
It's like it's a nice relief and I hope my mom.
I talked with my mom yesterday after the journalist came, after the photographer came, and she seemed really upbeat, so I'm really hoping that she's ready for whatever might come, might come of all this.
7:25
I'm also nervous because because of this I am moving back to Connecticut.
I'm a little nervous about, you know, what I've been doing on social media, but also needing to get a regular job.
7:45
You know this, trying to find somebody doesn't pay your bills.
Doing a podcast doesn't pay your bills.
Not in my case at least.
It's a it's more of a labor of love.
So it's one of those situations where it's like how do you, how do you find that balance and that normalcy?
8:13
I don't know, I maybe I'm overthinking and maybe I'm going to go and move back to Connecticut and no one will still know about Sky, you know, because that's kind of what happened over the years.
Sky's case just kind of it didn't hit the way it's hitting now.
8:36
But again, this getting any kind of momentum has taken me about like 2 years of constantly talking about it on social media to get the kind of traction I needed in order to get back to Japan.
So we will see.
I guess I think what I need to do is not think so much about it sometimes, just face it when it comes.
9:02
That's something else that I was actually discussing with my therapist this week because I will be moving and I'm going to, I won't have my therapist.
I'm hoping that she's going to be OK with me, just like doing video check in like once a month.
9:21
She did mention that we should start a podcast and just talk about therapy and life, and I thought that would be interesting.
We'll see.
We'll see.
I really like my therapist, so I want to, you know, I'd like to keep in touch and because I also know that I'm going to have to find somebody else a little closer.
9:44
I need to find a new Doctor closer and the whole cycle just starts again, the struggle of the struggle of finding balance.
And I guess it's, that's what it's all about, finding, going through a change and trying to navigate the the balance and the lack of balance.
10:17
And I'm excited.
I'm excited about my move.
I'm excited about going back to Japan.
My mom's really excited.
She said something that I thought was a little funny but so true during the interview that we had.
10:34
And she's like, I I'm really excited to go back to Japan because I don't remember any of it.
And that's something me and my mom can talk.
We can have maybe like a monthly podcast talk about the Japan we remembered and then the Japan we're going to experience this time around.
10:56
I'm hoping.
I'm hoping he's going to be better.
Yeah, a lot's gonna, a lot's happening.
I'm excited.
But you know, as another quick update and then not so happy side of things but my grandmother has been put on Hospice, so that is happening now.
11:26
My mom's doing OK.
It's, you know, one of those inevitable things.
And I think, you know, everybody's going to get through it as well as they can.
And yeah, it's just, you know, when life happens, it just, it happens all at once.
11:50
It is, yeah.
I think you just have to like, sit down and take it, you know, just don't fight it.
Just take it, let it wash over you and just trust that you got it.
And I feel all right.
12:10
I feel all right about it all.
OK, guys, it's been real.
This has been therapy, notes Session 18.